A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road.
(at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left...)
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

NEW YORK, Feb. 15, 2008(AP) Police say a Parks Department employee took his city-issued golf cart on a rampage, running over and killing five birds in a public park.
Police said they arrested the 45-year-old employee Friday evening after receiving complaints that he was driving erratically in the park in Lower Manhattan. He faces charges of reckless endangerment and intentional injury to an animal.
Three pigeons and two seagulls were killed.

HARRISBURG, Pa., Feb. 15, 2008

(AP) A Harrisburg teenager might have been well on his way to earning his driver's license if he hadn't hit the brick house. Quenton Gann practiced parallel parking, changing lanes and making turns for months. He says he may need more practice on ice.
Gann and his cousin were on the way to his road test Thursday in a borrowed car. The 16-year-old turned left, hit some ice, and the car landed on its side, wedged between a utility pole and a row house porch.
Christina Sears says her house shook, and "It scared my cat so bad, the hair on his back stood up."
Gann and his cousin climbed up out of the passenger's-side window, uninjured. But the car needed a tow truck. Gann says, "I'm going to leave driving alone for a little bit."

CORSICANA, Texas, Feb. 15, 2008

AP) A driver who apparently took her work rules very seriously abandoned a bus full of former prisoners along a highway because her hours for the day were over, police said.
The 40 passengers had been paroled or released from the state prison in Huntsville. Some wore ankle bracelet monitors.
They were aboard a charter bus that was headed Thursday to a terminal in Dallas but wound up 60 miles short.
"In 31 years in law enforcement I've never seen anything like this," Corsicana Police Sgt. Lamoin Lawhon said.
Police said the bus was chartered from Greyhound Bus Lines Inc. The driver pulled over in front of a convenience store around 4 p.m. and told the passengers her allotted driving time was up and another driver was on the way.
A clerk in the convenience store called police. Officers arrived to find the former prisoners milling around the bus. Dispatchers exchanged several phone calls with Greyhound and prison officials while Lawhon and two other officers stayed with the bus and the passengers.
Just before 7 p.m., a second bus arrived with three drivers _ including the one who had abandoned her passengers in the first place, Lawhon said.
Greyhound spokesman Dustin Clark said company officials were investigating the incident. "It is a very serious matter," he said.
Clark said drivers have to follow strict guidelines on consecutive working hours and rest periods.
Police said there were no incidents involving the passengers while they were stranded.
"Their behavior was exemplary," Officer Travis Wallace said

HAYWARD, Calif., Feb. 15, 2008

(AP) Authorities have arrested a prolific 911 cell phone caller who is believed to have made more than 27,000 emergency calls, overwhelming California Highway Patrol and Hayward 911 systems.
The 911 calls started flooding in last May. The caller responded to emergency operators with bodily noises, muttering and pressing beep tones.
John Triplette was arrested Wednesday night for investigation of abusing the 911 emergency line, a misdemeanor.
Hayward officials say the 45-year-old man "completely overwhelmed our system" and delayed helping others with real emergencies.
The CHP communication center in Vallejo started getting bogus 911 calls last May, then the Hayward center began getting the calls in January