some for the irish

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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", he said, " The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, " But where were you yesterday?"

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 Paddy and his wife are lying in bed one night and the neighbours dog is barking. Paddy says screw this and storms off downstairs. 5 minutes later he comes back upstairs and his wife says "what have you done and why is the dog still barking?" Paddy says"i've put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it"

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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

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What's the difference between irish man and government bonds?

Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

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Friendship between Irish Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told herhusband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. One confirmed it.

Friendship Between Irish Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had sleptover, and two claimed that he was still there!

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A recent Irish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring,
"Run....run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Irishman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent,
"R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter slams a hit and again the Irishman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams,
"R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Irishman stands up yelling:
"R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers,
"He doesn't have to run, he got four balls."

The Irishman yells even louder,
"Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!"

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A Irish minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

well something to lighten things up some and smile see how good you all do it is my fav game

Gorda: Home Of $5.20-A-Gallon

 

GasolineA Gallon Of Unleaded Regular Gasoline Costs $5.20 At Station In Gorda, California

 (AP) Try not to run low on gas in the tiny Big Sur town of Gorda, where a gallon of unleaded regular costs $5.20. And it's $5.40 a gallon for premium.
Amerigo Gas Station employee James Willman says at least once a day he gets an earful from motorists who pull into Gorda, which is about 35 miles north of Cambria on scenic Highway 1.
Willman says "they say all kinds of stuff _ `You ought to be shot,' or 'Where's your mask?'"
The good-humored Willman usually responds, "Hey, I just work here."
Many potential customers slow down, look at the price, then keep on rolling.
Station manager Leo Flores says the high price reflects the cost of bringing fuel to the town's remote location as well as its reliance on a diesel generator for all of its power.
RDA, Calif., Mar. 14, 2008

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This is from

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-petruno15mar15,0,2428261.story

This big rescue may be just the beginning

Throughout Wall Street's history, major financial system upheavals often have culminated with the spectacular failure of a marquee name.
That was the case in December 1994, when Orange County filed for bankruptcy protection after getting caught on the wrong side of a sharp jump in interest rates.
In September 1998, the Federal Reserve helped arrange a bailout of the giant investment fund Long-Term Capital Management after it neared collapse from bad bets in wildly swinging markets.
In those and similar instances the big-name debacles marked the peak of the financial system crises, not the start of something worse.
But this time around, with Friday's surprise announcement that the Fed would temporarily inject its own money into tottering brokerage giant Bear Stearns Cos., many Wall Street pros say they have little confidence that the move is a prelude to better times for beleaguered markets and the economy.
Indeed, some experts say Bear Stearns' woes warn of potentially larger calamities that will severely test the Fed, the economy and, ultimately, taxpayers as the government gets more deeply involved in fixing the markets' troubles.
"We will lose, in some form, several major financial institutions before this is over," said veteran economist Allen Sinai of Decision Economics Inc. in New York.The heart of the problem is that the nation is living through an unwinding of a 25-year-long, consumer-led borrowing binge. Bear Stearns was a key player in financing that binge, most notably in high-risk mortgages.
Wall Street in recent years designed ever more creative ways to transform loans into bonds and sell them to investors who were hungry for interest income. That alchemy reached its zenith with sub-prime mortgages -- loans to people with dubious credit.
Even as investors poured hundreds of billions of dollars into sub-prime-mortgage bonds from 2003 to 2006, there were ample warnings that many borrowers were vastly overstretched.
But it wasn't until housing prices began to implode last year, and mortgage defaults rocketed, that banks, brokerages and investors came to realize they had gone too far.
Now, with the U.S. financial system already overburdened with debt, many investors simply don't want to take a chance on owning more of it -- unless it's the direct obligation of the U.S. Treasury.( and who will pay this ??)Banks and brokerages already have written down the value of many of the mortgage securities they hold, to account for rising delinquencies. But there still is no sense that the housing market has reached a bottom, so there is no way for investors to know how much worse delinquencies will get.
"The only true solution would be to get home prices up," said Jeffrey Gundlach, chief investment officer of Los Angeles-based money manager TCW Group. "But the fundamentals are moving in the opposite direction."
At times like this the focus for Wall Street firms primarily is on surviving. No bank or brokerage will lend to a peer, even in routine daily transactions, if there is any doubt at all that the borrower can repay. Failure then can become assured once rumors start about a firm.

In January, after rumors swirled that it was running out of capital, Countrywide Financial Corp., the largest U.S. mortgage lender, quickly struck a deal to sell itself to Bank of America Corp.( and who was on captiol hill last week explaning there bonisus they got every year befor they bailed out?)

Wall Street's propensity to abandon its own has sunk all sorts of financial institutions over the last century. In 1984 the government had to rescue Continental Illinois, then the seventh-largest bank, once creditors pulled the plug. Brokerage Drexel Burnham Lambert Inc. failed in 1990 after its funding lines were cut.

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I don't want to be a doom sayer but everone seen this comeing and did nothing about it and now we are the ones going to pay. I think you should invest in the cardboard boxs cus thats where we will be living befor long

Turnip Causes Bomb Scare At Law Office

Raw Turnip Wrapped In Lettuce-Green Tissue Paper Causes Bomb Scare At Indiana Law Office

FORT WAYNE, Ind., Mar. 14, 2008

(AP) A raw turnip was at the root of a bomb scare that last for hours at a law office. An employee at Haller & Colvin Attorneys at Law called 911 Thursday after opening a U.S. Postal Service box and finding a suspicious gift bag inside, police said.
Officers then called the city's bomb unit, which brought in a robot to carry the package outside to a parking lot. X-rays showed no signs of an explosive, but bomb technicians decided to detonate the package with a water cannon just to be safe, police spokesman Michael Joyner said.
After that, they opened the box and found the turnip, wrapped in lettuce-green tissue paper inside a sandwich bag.
It was unclear who was supposed to receive the vegetable

 

Woman Brings Grenade Into Police Station

Police Department In Texas Briefly Evacuated After Woman Decides To Bring In A Hand Grenade

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas, Mar. 14, 2008

(AP) The police department was briefly evacuated after a woman decided she should bring in a hand grenade she found.
The unidentified woman handed it to an officer Thursday after finding it while cleaning out a relative's belongings. The officer immediately took it outside the building and police cleared the building until the bomb squad took it away and detonated it about an hour later.
The grenade appeared to be live.
"When we countercharged it, it went boom," bomb squad supervisor Lt. James Brandon told the Corpus Christi Caller-Times

 

I'm sorry but people are just getting to paranoid and I think a Little dumber

 

Man Forgets To Wear Pants At Drive-Thru

Police Say Man Placing An Order At A Doughnut Shop Wasn't Wearing Pants

YORKTOWN, N.Y., Mar. 13, 2008

(AP) Careful with that coffee! Police say a man placing an order in a suburban New York doughnut shop's drive-through lane didn't have any pants on.
They say a Dunkin' Donuts worker saw John Greco's exposed genitals in the Feb. 27 stunt and then noted the make of his car and his license plate number.
Police say the 46-year-old Croton-on-Hudson resident was arrested last week and has been charged with misdemeanor public lewdness. He's due in court March 27.
Police released a statement Thursday saying it was "unknown how Mr. Greco took his coffee that day."
Greco says by telephone from his home that he has no comment on the police report.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Man Tries To Rob Closed Bank In Pa.

Police: Man Tries To Rob Closed Bank In Pennsylvania

LIBERTY, Pa., Mar. 14, 2008

(AP) A Pennsylvania man is accused of attempted bank robbery _ and if poor planning were a crime, he might be charged with that, too.
Police say a man arrived at the Citizens and Northern Bank in the borough of Liberty on Thursday and waited in his car for about 20 minutes. Shortly after noon, he tried to enter the bank 100 miles west of Scranton wearing a ski mask and carrying a rifle. But the bank's Liberty branch closes at noon on Thursdays, foiling his plans.
The man fled the scene, but bank employees took note of his license plate number. A 28-year-old suspect is jailed in lieu of $50,000 bail

Judge Isaac Parker often called the “Hanging Judge,” from Fort Smith, Arkansas ruled over the lawless land of Indian Territory in the late 1800s. Over almost two decades, nearly 80 men were hanged at Fort Smith.

Arkansas has the only active diamond mine in the United States.

It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in the state. It must be pronounced "Arkansaw."

It is illegal for dogs to bark after 6:00 p.m. in Fayetteville.

While it is legal to shoot bears in Arkansas, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

 It is illegal to keep an alligator in your bathtub in Arkansas.

 The state prohibits moose from being viewed from airplanes. Furthermore, it is against the law to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

 In Little Rock, no person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 p.m.

 An Arkansas law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Fayetteville’s Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

 Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock can result in a 30-day jail term

Elevations in Arkansas range from 54 feet above sea level in the far southeast corner to 2,753 feet above at Mount Magazine, the state's highest point. The community of Mountain View is called the Folk Capital of America. The little town preserves the pioneer way of life and puts it on display for visitors at the Ozark Folk Center State Park from March through October. The road to the White House for President Bill Clinton began in Hope, then led to Hot Springs, Fayetteville, and Little Rock. Sam Walton founded his Wal-Mart stores in Bentonville. General Douglas MacArthur, soldier and statesman, was born in Little Rock in 1880. The first woman elected to the U.S. Senate was from Arkansas -- Hattie Caraway, elected November 1932. Scott Joplin, popular musician and composer, was born in Texarkana. William "Bill" Doolin was the founder of the Wild Bunch, which specialized in robbing banks, trains and stagecoaches in Arkansas, Oklahoma , and Kansas in the 1890s, was born in 1858 on a farm in Johnson County north of Clarksville. Originally a member of the Dalton Gang, he formed his own gang around 1893 and the Wild Bunch became the premier terrorizers of the West until Doolin was captured in a Eureka Springs bathhouse by Deputy U.S. Marshall Bill Tilghman in January 1896. He later escaped federal custody and was shot and killed by a U.S. Marshall near Lawson, Oklahoma Territory on August 25, 1896. Country crooners Glen Campbell, Johnny Cash, Charlie Rich, Tracy Lawrence, and Conway Twitty were all born in Arkansas. Tracy Lawrence, the young male country singing sensation hails from Foreman, Arkansas. Arkansas contains over 600,000 acres of lakes and 9,700 miles of streams and rivers. Arkansas contains six national park sites, two-and-a half million acres of national forests, seven national scenic byways, three state scenic byways, and 50 state parks. Since the 1830s the area now known as Hot Springs National Park has bathed notables as diverse as Franklin D. Roosevelt, Babe Ruth, and Al Capone. The park is entirely surrounded by the city of Hot Springs. Located just outside of Murfreesboro, Crater of Diamonds State Park allows dedicated prospectors to search for precious gems including diamonds, amethyst, garnet, jasper, agate, and quartz. Clark Bluff overlooking the St. Francis River contains chalk to supply the nation for years. Mount Ida is known as the Quartz Crystal Capital of the World. Hope, Arkansas is the self-proclaimed Watermelon Capital of the World. Oh, yeah, it's also the birth place of ole ex-president Clinton. Pine Bluff is known as the world center of archery bow production Alma, Arkansas is the Spinach Capital of the World and commemorating this by painting its water tower to be the "world's biggest can of spinach." In Dover, Arkansas, there is an operational double decker outhouse at the Booger Hollow Trading Post. The Arkansas River is the longest stream to flow into the Mississippi-Missouri river system. Its total length is 1,450 miles A southern version of Big Foot, called the Boggy Creek Monster, has been sighted near Fouke, Arkansas. Said to be seven feet tall and hairy all over, it kills chicken, cattle, dogs and livestock. The World's Championship Duck Calling Contest is held annually in Stuttgart. In October 1999 in Little Rock, Arkansas, 20-year-old convicted killer Kenneth Williams crawled into a 500-gallon barrel of hog slop in a prison kitchen and escaped in when it was towed to a prison farm. The slop barrel didn’t have a grate over its opening then but it does now. Williams was recaptured a few days later. Established near the mouth of the Arkansas River in 1686, Arkansas Post was the first permanent white settlement in the state. The geographic center of the state is located in Pulaski, 12 miles northwest of Little Rock. In 1885, a Little Rock newspaper offered a free plow with each prepaid subscription of $12. After a car car accident in which Bonnie Parker was severely burned, she and Clyde Barrow hid out a tourist court in Fort Smith in 1933. Milk was designated as the official state beverage in 1985. The largest freestanding rock formation located in Eureka Springs has a base circumference of about 10 inches and the top measures almost 10 feet across. Ouachita National Forest is the oldest national forest in the South. The word Arkansas is from the Quapaw Indian language meaning south wind. In 1783, the only Revolutionary War skirmish in the state occurred at Arkansas Post, called the Colbert Incident. The Buffalo River is one of the few remaining unpolluted, free-flowing rivers in the lower 48 states. The fiddle was designated as the official state instrument in 1985. Forty-seven hot springs flow from the southwestern slope of Hot Springs Mountain, at an average temperature of 143 F. The Ozark National Forest covers more than one million acres. Cotter, Arkansas is known as Trout Capital, USA. Diamonds were discovered iIn 1906 when a Pike County farmer, John M. Huddleston, found them where Crater of Diamonds State Park is now. Early in the 20th century, ostrich riding and racing were popular activities at Cockburn’s Ostrich Farm in Hot Springs. The entire city limits of Eureka Springs is designated as a Historic District and listed on the National Register of Historic Places. There is an Alligator Farm in Hot Springs that has a petting zoo. Magnolia, Arkansas is home to the world’s largest barbecue grill. The “Boys Toys” store displays the 70+ feet long charcoal grill. In 1876, two rival newspapers’ editors in Fayetteville carried their editorial disagreements into a street fight. They agreed that the loser of the fight would sell his newspaper and leave town. He did. In Arkansas, voters are allowed only five minutes to mark their ballots. In Lavaca, Arkansas sits a giant Budweiser Beer Can, which is a large farmer’s silo painted to evidently look likes his favorite beverage. The Band Museum in Pine Bluff, Arkansas is the only museum in the country devoted to band instruments and the history of the band movement in America. Pine Bluff is the only city in the nation to host the 13-15 year old Babe Ruth World Series four times. Near Dover, Arkansas is an overlook with a view of an Ozark Valley. Here, appear the "Dover Lights," an unexplained phenomena that appears, flickers and sways in various colors. Some say they are the ghosts of Spanish Conquistadors searching for their lost gold in the Ozark foothills. Emerson, Arkansas holds the Purplehull Pea Festival and World Championship Rotary Tiller Race.